Monday Muse: M.I.A.

It's become quite the habit in my apartment to have music videos playing on the television in the morning while we get ready. This morning, while watching FUSE, M.I.A.'s latest music video "Bad Girls" came on and was instantly reminded on a few things: 1) how awesome of a video this was (and still is), 2) how far and becoming of a woman M.I.A. has come along in her career and 3) how striking she is, even through a television.


I remember very vividly the first time I discovered who M.I.A. was. One early morning in 2005 while getting ready for work, I had MTV playing on my television (back when MTV actually played music videos), and this very different sounding, but incredibly awesome song came on called "Bucky Done Gun." I was immediately drawn to my television upon hearing it. I saw this striking brown girl, M.I.A., dancing in her cutting edge and incredibly bright outfits sounding different than anyone I've ever heard. And I liked it! I was glued to the TV for the entire video, and I remember this because I ended up being late for work that morning. ;)


Sure enough, this music video encouraged me to get her album and every album after that, and I've been listening to her since. After her single "Paper Planes" was featured in the film Slumdog Millionaire M.I.A. gained commercial fame, but she didn't let the pressures of popular demand affect her musical ability and she proved that real well when she released "Bad Girls." M.I.A., you bad ass chick, you've always been on my muse list. OW!

xoxo

The story behind "Darling Chuck"

How did you come up with the name "Darling Chuck?"

I get asked this question so many times, and it's beyond me that I haven't thought to write about the history of where the name Darling Chuck comes from. I know a bunch of you are curious, so here it is.

To put it simply, I got the name from the television show, Pushing Daisies. If you haven't watched the show, let me give you a brief background.

Pushing Daisies is a comedy-drama series created by Bryan Fuller about a pie maker named Ned (Lee Pace). Ned has the magical ability to touch dead things and bring them back to life, but it comes with stipulations.  

Touch a dead thing once, alive; touch a dead thing twice, dead again forever. Keep a thing alive for more than a minute, something else has to die.

Ned is nicknamed "the pie maker" in the show for obvious reasons, owning his own pie shop named The Pie Hole. It's an establishment he worked for in loving memory of his mother, who died when he was very young and who also unwittingly helped him discover his "talent" at the time she died. One day outside the shop he meets a money hungry detective named Emerson Cod (Chi McBride), who by mistake discovers his "special power" and offers to give him a small share of his earnings whenever he helps him solve crimes in exchange for keeping Ned's secret.

Notably known as a forensic fairy tale, the series begins with Ned and Emerson taking a trip to Coeur d'Coeurs, the town where Ned grew up, to investigate the murder of a woman who as well grew up at Cour de Cours. At the funeral home to Ned's dismay, he opens the casket to question the victim, and it's his childhood sweetheart, Charlotte Charles (Anna Friel) also known as "Chuck."



Ned touches Chuck to bring her back to life, and instead of touching her again right under the minute mark, he decides to let her live, giving her "another chance" at life, thus giving her the nickname "dead girl." Pushing Daisies tells the story of Ned and Chuck's resuming relationship without touch, and how Chuck, with her "new life," begins to live again, this time for real.



Chuck's childhood and upbringing in Pushing Daisies also plays a part in why I chose the alias Darling Chuck. After her father was inadvertently killed by young Ned, Chuck spends the rest of her "first" life with her two aunts, sisters Vivian (Ellen Greene) and Lily Charles (Swoosie Kurtz), a synchronized swimming duo who in their prime called themselves The Darling Mermaid Darlings. Chuck's adolescence is spent with these two women, who both suffer from personality disorders, keeping them cooped in their Coeur d'Coeurs home. Affected by her aunts' social phobia, Chuck, determined to get more out of life ventures to travel, shortly resulting in her death.



Cute story right! You have to watch it to get the full effect. I happened to catch this show around the time I got my first tattoo of a phoenix, and found so many similarities between myself and Chuck's character in the show. She was a bright woman determined to live her life to the fullest, without regrets. The day she decides to take that leap of faith, her life is taken away from her. Somehow Ned finds her, and he saves her. He gives her that life she's always wanted to live, and she doesn't take a minute of it for granted. She embraces the second chance she's given, and along the way she begins to learn more about the kind of person she is. In many ways, I felt I was given a second chance after leaving my ex. If I stayed with him any longer I could have been dead. I nearly don't say this enough, but Arieson saved my life and I truly believe it to the utmost.

Chuck's aunts, the Darling Mermaid Darlings, symbolize me being raised by mainly women. My parents divorced when I was young, and my only mentor really was my mother. I left my ex when Arieson was about 6 months. I left on a whim - I was escorted by police with one bag of Arieson's favorite things and a darling child that had no idea what was going on. I had a car, but I didn't know where to go. My mom was living in another state, and I knew I couldn't make the drive out there with what little I had. We were pretty much homeless. I found refuge in my Aunt Tess, who lived about 45 minutes away. She took me and Arieson in for as long as we needed, did everything she could to make us comfortable and didn't judge me one for on second. I felt I had another chance to start over. It was a great feeling. I am so forever grateful for her being there for me and Arieson. We aren't even related by blood - she is the sister of my step father. She took the place of my mother until she arrived to cradle us. I'm so lucky to have strong women in my life. I wouldn't be able to get by without their love and support!

So that is the origin of "Darling Chuck." Now you know.

I love this show so much because it manages to make light of unfortunate situations, and it has definitely inspired me to do the same. I'm sure if you haven't noticed yet, I model my writing style and my blog after this show. It makes sharing stories on my blog more uplifting. :) There are only two seasons to the series, but all the episodes are so well produced with an exceptional cast that every episode could be it's own movie. I'm serious! Check it out. I highly recommend it!

Wanna know something? Ask me!

xoxo

30 Day Challenge: Something that you're proud of

DAY 17



I usually claim bragging rights to watching the entire series of LOST in 12 days. Most people don't believe me. Almost everyone asks me "how?" and then they call me freak.

It was around the tail end of Arieson's treatments after relapsing, about a month before he passed away. He had gone through MIBG Therapy (which was the absolute worst), and he was at a stage in his treatment where all we had to do now was make sure he was in no pain. The monster had taken over. I remember that time in my life so vividly - I started to retreat from everyone, and I preferred being alone most of the time. The internet and TV started becoming my best friends because it meant that I didn't have to talk to anyone or deal with anything. There were so many ads and commercials out about the season finale of LOST, and I remember a few people telling me how good of a show it's been. So I was browsing Netflix one night, and saw that the entire series of LOST was streaming. This was a week before the season finale. Desperate to look for ways to get my mind off cancer, I gave myself the insane challenge of attempting to catch up on the entire series in time for the season finale. In case you're wondering - no, I didn't sleep! I managed to stay up and watch the episodes with little naps in between. Arieson wasn't doing too well with his condition either and at this point in his life, so I found it as another way to stay up spend the little time I had with him.

I obviously wasn't able to catch up on the series in one week in time for the finale, but I'd say I did pretty good being 5 days late. Those 12 days were the most memorable distraction to date. It got my mind off cancer and everything that comes with it. I might have lost a lot of sleep, but it was totally worth it! And now I get to brag about it to anyone who brings up the show.

xoxo

Adam Katz Sinding in Marie Claire magazine

Marie Claire magazine subscribers are in for a treat this May. One of my friends, Adam Katz Sinding traveled to Paris and London earlier this year to take some street style photos during Fashion Week, and has his amazing photos featured in the street style section in May's issue of Marie Claire magazine!
Check it out:











See anyone you recognize?
Make sure to pick up your copy, available on stands now!

xoxo

Show me love

Things like this inspire me. It was a good feeling finding this in my ask box. As much as I complain about work and the fashion industry, more and more I'm slowly beginning to realize that what I do actually matters! It may not matter to some, and fashion may not be for everyone, but it's always a great feeling to know that it can inspire others, especially young girls who want to pursue a career in fashion. When you start to get recognition for your work from others, it inspires you to keep doing what you're doing. It may mean you are probably doing something right.

Shout out to Deesto for the love!

Wanna know something? Ask me!

xoxo

Monday Muse: John Slattery

(via gq)

One of the things that Mike and I do on the weekends is catch up on our favorite shows on our DVR, one of them being Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, and if you watched last Thursday's episode you'd have seen that John Slattery was one of his guests. On the show he talked about his recent cover on this month's issue of GQ, and his directorial feature for this week's episode of one of my favorite shows, Mad Men.


It's no surprise that protagonist Don Draper, played so well by Jon Hamm, is probably everyone's favorite on the show (and in life) on more levels than one, but after watching John Slattery's interview with Jimmy Fallon (despite Roger's erratic behavior - which I secretly find sexy), he's certainly gotten a whole lot of my attention now. And if you watched last night's episode of Mad Men, he'd probably have a lot more of your attention too. He's a babe with style, a sense of humor, and an artistic flair. How much sexier can you get? John, you silver fox, you've just been added to my muse list. OW!

xoxo

30 Day Challenge: Something you always think "what if..." about

DAY 16

(via weheartit)

I told y'all I was gonna continue on with my 30 Day Challenge! Funny how this started over 6 months ago. This is more like a 30 Month Challenge now. I like to finish things that I start, so let's move on...

This is actually a good question right now since I've been in a contemplative kind of mood. Very rarely do these moments happen, and I wish I would listen to myself more as opposed to worrying about things I can't control. In any case, I try not to think too much about the would haves and could haves. When I let my mind run like that I get too obsessed with where my thoughts bring me so I don't even bother. But once in awhile the thought crosses my mind, and almost always I quickly snap out of it. That is a realm in my mind that I've managed to board and chain shut through the years!

I'm gonna come forward and bring to the table the question that I think most of you ponder yourselves - what if Arieson didn't happen? I don't have to go into details with this thought, but in short, I think that the answer is quite simple. If Arieson didn't happen, I would not be here today. I wouldn't have blossomed a relationship with Mike, I wouldn't be living in the city that I've always wanted to live in and working a job that is virtually unavailable back in San Francisco. Yeah, what I went through with Arieson sucked and I'd never wish those harsh moments on anyone, but I don't tend to think about things that way. In any scenario you always have to think positively. The 3 years I had with Arieson was the most life-changing, self-fulfilling journey I could ever experience in my young adult life. I didn't see it then, but now I see it as a gift. The moments I had with him were memories anyone can't buy. He gave me the opportunity to be the best mother I can be - he helped me grow up. Had I not gone through those 3 years, I'd have been a completely different person than I am today - and that person would probably be super sucky and lame. I like the person I am now. I'm stronger for it. Although I would have preferred a life with my darling boy, it wouldn't be the one I have now.

xoxo

Arieson's 5th birthday

I woke up Thursday morning to this card sitting on our dining table. Mike has always been really good at giving cards for every occasion - he gets it from his mother.

Last year I was in San Francisco for Arieson's 4th birthday. I celebrated the same way I did for his 3rd birthday - at the de Young Museum. Mike and I made our way there, and we invited anyone else who wanted to join to follow. We had some great people stop by. To those who did - I'll never forget!

This year, I was unfortunately unable to fly home to San Francisco to greet my little one so instead, Mike and I decided to have our own little celebration here in New York together. We planned to have dinner at our favorite Korean BBQ spot, New Wonjo Restaurant, just the two of us.


During our dinner I received a very sweet text from my dear friends Lauren and Toan. They went over to visit Arieson on his birthday, and gave him some flowers and balloons. It put a huge smile on my face!


After dinner we headed home. We had some left over ice cream birthday cake from Mike's birthday, so I served us a slice to share, lit a candle on top and we sang Happy Birthday to Arieson together.


The following Sunday was Easter. I normally don't celebrate Easter, but since it was such a lovely day Mike and I decided to hop on the subway to go to Flushing Meadows Park in Queens to walk around. I used to take Arieson on walks around the park in his stroller whenever we were lucky enough to be out of the hospital, so I did this for him (and myself) in mind. We saw so many families out, celebrating Easter and enjoying the company of each other. It was really endearing to see.








We nearly don't spend as much time as we would love to in Queens, so after our stroll at the park we looked for a good place to eat nearby. Lucky, Tortilleria Nixtamel was within walking distance!




Great food, great times, great celebration.

xoxo

The professional crossroad

(via weheartit)

Remember growing up thinking that you'd have it all figured out by the time you graduated college? Yeah, me too.

So many of my peers have traditionally been raised this common formula: stay in school, graduate from college, find a job then get married and have kids. But no one ever teaches you what to do when a variable is added to the equation. Which major do I pick when I go to college? What if I don't know what to do? What happens when you can't find a job? How about when you haven't met the right person yet? If there was anything that my parents wanted for me, I'd be married with children along with a 401k and a mortgage. Once I hit the crossroad to where I had to decide between what my parents wanted for me and what I wanted for myself, I ultimately chose me. And the moment I chose myself, I was left with an unpaved road ahead of me.

I didn't know where to begin when I moved to NYC - I just knew that I needed a change. I also realized that despite the turn of events that happened in my timeline, my life wasn't over. I felt I was given another chance, and I would be an idiot to not take it.

So I got here and I got right to working - as in working on finding out what I really wanted to do. I haven't had a real job, really, since Arieson was diagnosed with cancer. I had a writing job at Examiner.com while I was taking care of Arieson, but it wasn't your traditional 9-5 - I mainly did my work at night in front of a laptop in the corner of a tiny dark hospital room.

I had no idea what I was up against when I decided to live in New York. All I knew was that I wanted to work in fashion, because it's what I went to school for and it's all I knew (according to my resume.) I thought I had an advantage with the kind of experience I had back in San Francisco; I was one of the lucky ones to land a job in my industry before graduating college. I was wrong! Upon arrival, I spent months and months of countless attempts pumping out my resume to career sites with no response, going on interviews with companies with big names to get turned down and networking with people who I thought I could benefit from with no avail.

I eventually learned that the way to survive out here is: people. I think that knowing and surrounding yourself with the right people is the key to living in NYC. That may also be true of life in general. Everything that I'm learning right now is a result of me working on picking up the pieces from my former sheltered life in San Francisco. You can have your high salary dream job and your lavish apartment with a door man, but without friends, as much as there's a shit ton of people in this city, it's easy to feel ship wrecked and alone. I feel lucky to have met some really great people here along the way.

Furthermore I began to think that my biggest handicap as to why I found it so difficult for me to land a job, a real job, was my 3 year hiatus from the job industry. It's been 4 years since I graduated college, 2 years since my son's passing and a year and half since I moved to New York. Some people have it figured out by now, but not me. I spoke with my friend Kim recently about this, and he helped me realize that I am only 28. I have about a year and a half left to figure shit out so I have time. I was so focused on catching up from where I left off and feeling like I had close to no time to do so. I lost perception of time. This was the biggest burden I carried since moving here. Right now is the time to explore and really think about what I want out of my professional life. This is why I moved to New York.

Needless to say, I landed under the wing of New York based fashion casting director, Natalie Joos. Now I work with models for clients such as V Magazine, Yigal Azrouel and Paola Kudacki to name a few. How I ended up being in fashion casting would have to be another post. What my next plans are is another!

Life's always going to throw blows in your face. How you choose to deal with them is up to you. I can't tell you how tough it's been for me emotionally to get my feet back on the ground. I may be making the necessary steps to become better, but I am still a work in progress. The only way from here is up.

xoxo

Instadiary: March 2012

This was taken at the photobooth inside Glasslands. Every month our friend Saba throws a [Winter] Boo Scramble party where the DJs play funky house until the sun comes up. It's always a great time, and Mike and I love going to support our homegirl.



This is my friend, Leilani. For the past four winters, her and her roommates have hosted Winter Soup Night at their Sunset Park apartment where friends will volunteer to make soup for the group.



This year was our first time attending, and it was the most heart warming gathering we've been to all season. Can't wait for next year.



Once in awhile you come across a good fortune when you decide to order Chinese take out.



Lazy Sundays



Woodside, Queens



Japanese lunch at Sunrise Mart



Both Mike and I have been meaning to check out Maharlika's happy hour for the longest time, and we finally had the chance to sit at the bar, munch on some appetizers and of course drink their delicious cocktails.



Netflix decided to rid me of my social life by having Saved By The Bell on instant streaming.


I've always been a Pizza Hut girl, but when our friends Derreck and Vanessa suggested we try out Domino's since they re-branded, I'm totally a Domino's girl now.



This is Stephen. I was introduced to him when I literally had an hour to cast an ethnic male for a shoot for SALT when some talent flaked the last minute. And that's Mads, the art director, assisting the videographer.



Not only are the bao's amazingly delicious at Bao House in the East Village, but their apple soda is definitely one to try.



As part of Mike's birthday celebration, we stopped by Barcade after brunch to continue the party before the Mad Men premier.



You can't ignore these moments in Woodside, Queens.



We went to Le Poisson Rouge to see our friends Jack and Brook of J*DaVeY and Kharri Ferrari perform their New York show while on tour. We also got to meet Miss Jack's little lovebug, Baby Tripper!



We had a going away dinner at New Wonjo Restaurant for our friend, Ann who left New York for Dallas to start a new life with her love, Josh.



I convinced Mike to get me Metroid while he was shopping for some old games on our Wii.

Follow me on Instagram!

xoxo