One of your BFF's just broke up with her ex-boyfriend of give or take 4 or 5 years. Of course she's devastated, and looks to you for guidance and a shoulder to cry on. A BFF would willingly give that shoulder and be there with every command, no matter the situation. She would be more sensitive with her feelings, and loan her money, clothes and books if she needed it. She'll feed her when she's too depressed to eat, and take her to doctor's appointments when she's missed a period. She will even drop her busy and hectic schedule to pick you up when you're "stranded" less than 5 blocks away.
The truth is, I'm probably not the best friend to talk to when you're going through a break up. My last break up wasn't the typical scenario: something drastic happens or things change, then one or both of you proposes a separation for good, where then you start missing your ex and wishing things were different and possibly fucking each other's brains out to make it more complicated than it already is.
When I broke up with my ex, I reacted the exact opposite. I was the most relieved and free I have ever felt since May 2006, which was my life before my ex (but we'll get to that another time). I never
ever looked back from there. I was so focused on moving forward because there wasn't any bit of me left (not even a
drop) that wanted to revert to the way things were before. I was ready to let go
completely and soar. It felt more like a liberation rather than a break up, and to think, my son was only 6 months at that time.
Other than that harsh truth, I can be a really good friend. Sure, I completely understand how it can be when you break up with someone. I'm familiar with the feeling of not knowing how you could possibly rise to the occasion, and overcome the saddest story ever told. I understand the range of emotions that come into play when your heart's been broken. I've been there, as I'm sure most of you have too. What's hard for me to grasp is the post-break up feelings of loneliness: not being able to stand your own company and longing for another body just so you're not by yourself.
That, I do no understand, and I do see it in a lot of the people I know. It's something that I won't be able to get myself to relate to, for now at least. Right now I bet I'm appearing to be a cynical bitch with no feelings.
The further you express your discomfort in "being alone" the more it disputes the reason why you were with your asshole of an ex-boyfriend in the first place: because you can't stand your own company. Why else would you stay with someone who mistreats you and emotionally abuses you? I only want the best for my friends, but I also want my friends to be strong. I will be there for you, but when it comes to the point where you're depending on me to ease your lonely anxiety, that's when I cross the line and save you from my cynicism. I hate to be selfish and say I have problems of my own, but it's the
raw truth. All my friends should already know this. If you're feeling lonely, then buy a dog. It's not going to solve anything, but at least you won't be alone, right? Otherwise, get used to it. It's easier said than done, but I've found so much solitude when I'm alone, and I think it's what will liberate you of your loneliness because that's what happened to me.
The thing is, I may have been desensitized by the the past shit I've been through since May 2006, and I may be a little harsh when it comes to reality. The world isn't filled with unicorns and butterflies and cupcakes all the time, and sometimes people need a reality check. I'm all for having a good time, but when you start acting in over your head, I'll be the first to tell you because that's what friends do, they're honest with each other no matter the outcome. I'm willing to take chances for the sake of friendship, and it's too bad I can't say the same for some of the people in my life.
